如何才能放下？？

为何一切不安又让我感到心烦呢？
为何我会怕你去认识其他女生呢？
我不是告诉我自己要相信你了吗？怎么我做不到？
过去的往事真的影响酱大吗？
为何我不能改啊？
我真的很怕失去你。。我也怕再次受骗。。我知道如果想太多结果会越糟。。
但。。。我控制不了我的情绪。。我快受不了我自己了！！
如果我会掩饰我的情绪多好。。每天可以带着一副“开心”的面具对待任何人。。
别人也应该会开心吧。。包括你。。是吗?
我真的不知该怎么做才好。。。
即将要final了，我还有很多书还没读，我又想和你去那个talk。。。
仔细想想六个小时我应该可以读很多吧。。
如果不跟你去我又怕你会认识到其他女生。。。在家的六个小时就白费在担心你。。。
HAIZ。。。。我该如何是好？？？

proved!!

i had proved to u...sir...micro2 i really scored highest in my class le...
48/50..Actually can get 50/50..careless mistakes...forget to label something...
becoz of test1 my total coursework marks not tat "nice"le..
but nvm...i had proved to u...I can do it!!haha..
happy^^

must do well for final!!!
gambateh^o^v

Micro 1st test released dy...

haiz...dunno how to describe my feeling now le....dunno is sad or wat...i tot i will score 30/100 de but 2day i gt 56.5/100...i already satisfy coz i really dun hv enuf time to do le..if gv me extra time i sure can score up to 80/100 de...wat happened to me?why my speed like a tortoise dy...so slow.......Others of my fren still can score up to sixty something why i can't wor??where is previous tan yoke teng went le?faster cum bck!!!!!!i dunwan be the lowest!!!!i wanna score up 2 or 3rd highest in class ar!!!!!!!!! Another thing i felt unhappy is seem like i made my sir(Leonard) dissapointed le...coz everytime the tutorial questions given i sure can finish while others still left one or two...he really x guess dao i get so low...wat to do?just face the reality ba..teng...dis saturday de test i must get 20/20!!!!i can do it!!!i'm a clever gal...i can use my time wisely!!!

GAMBATEH TENG!!!!
GO GO GO!!!!
I CAN DO IT!!!!

my mid-term...

sad lo...me...tot can't do well for micro den can score better in FIM...
Who know really so sui neh....Even multiple choices questions also can't do well...this mid-term consist of 20% ar...i really worried and scared for coming another mid term and final le...i dunwan fail ar!!!!
i must score 4.0 for 1st sem...if can't den just gt first honour degree which less than 4.0 more than 3.5 i already satisfied...please...i really wanna do well and scored for it....start from nw i must put double or triple more effort for my coming papers le....x even waste time anymore...gambateh!!!I CAN DO IT!!!!4.0 I'm coming!!!!!!!!!!

phycology AGM....damm....memoreble...ha..

Today is phycology society AGM...i tot just go there to listen any activity going to be held for the coming months...i had given the opportunity to be voted for a tresurer of phycology society..but..after i introduced myself they told me"accounting student can't hold a position in other course based society...tat's y tey just collect rm5 from us"they said dis is the rule set by UTAR...i really hate to being like tat...hate dis feeling so much....din tell everyone at the 1st time they join...sad thing...

I dunno why i really felt jealous when my boy holding a position as chairman while i'm not the either one...i scare he will go flirt others gal, or keep telling me to trust him...but ending with a lie behind me...i really really scare being lied by someone...hate the feeling and tat really hurt me a lot... The wound in my heart still there will not change or recover forever ba?i really dunno...i hate the feeling of being abandon when he busy wif his stuff...nt even look at me...sometimes i really wondering is he love me?or just me bertepuk sebelah tangan?although we had maintain this relationship for almost 4 years but why dis feeling keep flashing across my mind??do i need to gt some recommendation from counsellor?shall i?

But...sorry to dear also...is me made us unhappy...i dunno why our relation will bcm like tat..and nid to say at here..gambateh o..dear...being choosen as chairman of phycology society..geng nia..haha...really thanks for being patient and everything u had done to me...although i dunno appreciate everything u had given to me...but..really thank you....this is chen teng teng ma..must accept the reality..haha...

Another quite happy de thing is one of my boy's fren said there are some misunderstood between me n her tat's why i felt she looked like bu shuang me...but..nw we had clearify everything and hope can be true fren wif her...haha...more one fren better than more 1 enermy rite?mayb i treat them gud, i will gt the treatment as i did.....ha...and really thanks all my boy's fren..they really treat me very well although i do nt have the opportunity to be voted for treasurer, they still support me....chat wif me...tat moment really very happy le..haha ..anyways...really thanks u all...Thank You...all this words really from my deep heart core...

shock......

While i trying to search for some info for my tutorial ans, i gt a call from my cousin bro's...really shock...dunno wat happened...he suddenly called me...i tot he will cum kampar soon, but he told me mummy is with him nw...he said mummy in hospital le...going to have laser for her eyes...Her eyes had been red for almost one month...i told her to check she said mayb her "lao hua" increase dy and owiz told me recovered dy...who know nw she need to go for specialist...is her telling white lie tat dunwan me worry so much?i really shock and sad when knew it...nw crying like a fool...And dunno whether 2ml can contact her or nt..dunno what time is her minor operation oso...and i dunno wat to do le........really hope everything will be alrite for mummy.....god bless you...ma....and i love u so much...muacks........

attitude and behavior...

Just now had read someone's blog.....really felt strange why those people do not know their own behavior de?strange...Things already passed tot she will put it aside...but i try to greet her or even smile wif her, she still bai those "bu shuang"de look...suan le....she likes to do so den up to her lar...i already settle down myself and try to forget those make me unhappy moment.... but i will still felt regret when lost dis fren...think deeply who tell her like to stick ppl's bf 1st wor?is it? from this lesson i had learnt something...start from now i will appeciate every frens tat appears in my life...i will think twice before i do.....i won't let my attitude control my behavior...